Remember that money is only a medium of exchange. It is paper and that paper is the means to an end, but it is not the end itself. Don’t let how you handle the paper, shape or destroy, your relationship. Talk about it, your goals, plans and desires. Create a plan to work together to build a healthy partnership and a financial portfolio.

Many couples have a strong desire to be on the same page financially but have no idea where they should start or what questions they should ask. Even starting small, the best thing to do is to open the lines of communication. Here are 8 important money questions to get the ball rolling.

1. Who will handle the money?

For each couple this answer will vary. If you’re married to a spender, letting them handle the money would probably not be wise. Not allowing them to have a voice in the matter wouldn’t be smart, either. Discuss your main money areas so you can create a plan together. This leads us to….

2. What is most important to you when it comes to money?

Be honest with your answer and allow your mate the same in return. Do not get upset or offended if your spouse’s answer differs from yours. Remember that you are two unique individuals balancing together to become one working family unit. One person may feel that preparing for retirement is the most important thing while the other might be more interested in purchasing a new home.

3. When our parents get older, how will we care for them financially?

With the advancement of modern technology and medicine, life expectancy is greater. Many retirees are now living 15+ years past retirement when in previous generations life expectancy was only 5-10 years past retirement. It’s good to have a financial plan in place before the time comes.

4. Where will we live?

You two might have some different ideas about where to live. For instance, I’m a city girl but my husband loves his space so living in a downtown major metropolis isn’t in the cads for us. Discuss your living situation with your mate. No need to purchase a house on the hill when your mate would be more comfortable with a ranch on the farm.

5. How many accounts do we need?

This question is vitally important to ask because your spending priorities and family budget affect your financial security. Some couples pool the money all together. Others like to have individual accounts and pay bills out of another. The point is to talk about it.

6. Why do you feel the way you do about your financial priorities?

The way we all handle our finances is a learned behavior. Our experiences, both good and bad, taught and observed, have formed our ideas about money. You might find out that your mate spends money just the way that their mom did. You might find out that the reason they overspend is because the family only barely had enough to make ends meet.

7. What kind of plan do we have in place in the event of a tragedy?

Having the discussion about life insurance is vitally important. The biggest financial challenge facing many Americans today is losing a loved one suddenly or unexpectedly. Many people have no idea how they’re going to handle the funeral costs or financially cope with the loss.

8. For those preparing for marriage, will we sign a prenuptial agreement?

With couples deciding to focus on their careers first and choosing marriage later in life this is a valid question to ask. Many couples want to keep their financial and material possessions separate from their future spouse until they say ‘I do.’ In blended families, answering this question becomes vital.

Sit down with a listening ear and ask your mate these questions. This conversation should be an even exchange of information. Set up your financial legacy together. Remember to love requires that we Listen to understand your mates, Overcome the need to always have things done your way, Value your partners ideas and what they financially bring to the table while Embracing your differences.